Many clients will attribute false cause and effect to their circumstance or predicament.  Examples might include:

“I’m like this because I’m an only child…”
“I know she doesn’t like me because she doesn’t phone me”
“I know I’m no good at this job because no one has told me I am”

The best response is to find examples which would contradict this apparent ‘truth’:

what about only children who aren’t like this?
what about people who like other people and don’t phone them?
might you like someone yet not phone them
what about other people who are good, despite no one telling them?

Or ask the client to consider other reasons that might be the cause of the effect:

I’m like this because…I was brought up to be like this
She doesn’t phone me because…she’s lost her phone…she’s just not the person who phones a lot
People don’t always tell you how good you are – they might assume you know…

Coach message:  listen out for false reasoning, and challenge it.

This can be a powerful but tricky technique, used to demonstrate the importance of choice, but more importantly, the power of ownership and, conversely, the ownership of power.

This is how the technique works:

As coach, offer 2 pens to the client, and ask them to take one
They take one
Ask them why they took that pen
They will give you a reason
Whatever the reason given, say “no, that’s not the answer. Try again”
They do, and either choose the same pen with a different reason, or a different pen, with the same or different reason
Whatever the reason given, say “no, that’s not the answer. Try again”
Repeat for as long as it takes, or until you feel the client is losing the will to live
The answer you want is: “because I choose/because that’s my choice”

Coach message: the absolute power of this technique is the revelation that the client does not have to always give a reason for the choices they make.  So often, in life, the client can feel ‘beholden’ to the other person in having to justify to them the reasons for the decisions and choices they make.  Clearly in a work setting they will often have to be legitimately accountable for the decisions they make, but elsewhere – especially in relationships, it might be important for a client to recognise they don’t have to justify their choices.  By justifying or defending their preference, they are in a sense creating a dependency on the other’s approval….in contrast, the less the justification, the greater the independence…

This is a powerful technique which is based on breaking down a complex or large issue into smaller, component parts, on the assumption that this will make understanding, ownership and action easier.  Sometimes problems or issues are presented in a ‘big picture, complex’ way, which can have the effect of overwhelming the individual who has to deal with it: it’s all too complicated, too difficult.  However, if the problem is chunked down, into relevant components (structural chunking) or sequence of stages (process chunking) the whole thing may become clearer, less overwhelming and easier to manage.  Chunking may also have the additional and crucial effect of identifying a key component which is the primary block to improvement.

Here’s an example I use – see how you get on:

In 2013 I ran the London Marathon.  That was a big challenge.  What do you think was the most difficult thing about that challenge?  Put down a couple of guesses before reading on…..

The answer: getting out of bed on a cold and wet morning.  NOTHING else was as difficult or decisive.  It was a 10 second (in)decision.  Yet that, and how I resolved it, was the single key factor.  Once out of bed, the rest was inevitable.  Staying in bed would have produced a different inevitability.

So chunking down the structure or process can help identify the specific, small yet crucial, factor that makes the key difference.

Coach message:  work with the client to chunk large scale and complex problems down into their smaller, component parts, looking for a decisive component or stage which can make all the difference…

Just a simple but profound note that we exist as two people, all the time; our conscious self, and our unconscious self.  Our conscious self is consciously aware of our feelings and behaviours, and the external world and its stimuli.  The unconscious self is aware of other things, that the conscious self is NOT aware of.  Other internal feelings and external behaviours, and other stimuli coming in from the world.  By definition, we cannot be aware of our unconscious self, and therefore cannot control it.  In fact, in many, many ways, it controls us….the only way we can control it is to make the unconscious, conscious.

Coach message: a client may be unaware of some of their unconscious drivers (eg beliefs) and behaviours (eg habits).  Sometimes, in order to effect positive and lasting change, they have to become aware of what they are currently unaware of.  That may be the coach’s job….

Contamination occurs when the ideas, thoughts, feelings and assumptions of the coach interfere with those of the client: accidentally or deliberately.  So the coach offering their view on a perspective, value, thought or belief of the client are examples of contamination.  Here are some actual examples used by a coach I was coaching – from coach to client:

“don’t you think that might be due to…”
“you know, I think that the reason you are doing X is…”

Coach message: don’t contaminate..!

This is a powerful technique to help establish rapport.

As the other person is talking, they will offer information, including key phrases, use of language and specific examples.  If you can notice such linguistic uses, and replay them later, it will help establish greater trust and value between you, as the other person (possibly unconsciously) hears familiar terms coming back to them, which:

relaxes them
helps them feel listened to
helps them feel valued and acknowledged
creates greater rapport between you

Coach message:  use this technique in any conversation.  Listen out to what we call ‘cues and clues’, and be prepared to play them back later in the conversation – not necessarily in any recap or summary, but in the natural exchange of information and ideas.

This is a strategy to help you match the client’s preferences.  The term ‘currency’ refers to their preferred ‘trading’ state: how they like to operate.  It can include a wide range of behaviours – including:

language used (eg formal/informal; jargon)
tone of voice
pace of voice
interests
preferences/tastes
their rep system blend (VAK in particular)

It also includes their maps of the world – how they tend to prefer information.  Some examples of this include:

big picture or detail
create or edit
moving towards or moving away from
likes to follow others or likes to be independent/lone voice
builder or critic (Belbin’s team roles can be seen as preferred currencies)

Coach message:  identifying then adopting other people’s currencies can be a really effective way of building rapport and influence.  A coach is likely to have more success in adopting the client’s currency rather than persisting with their own.  Often it’s helpful “to put yourself out, to put the other person in”