This brief story is about my husband Ian ,who I loved so much, and who so sadly died in 2009. We learned lots from each other, including the effects on our relationship of me being a quick processor and him rather slower.
Ian would often frustrate me, as I would sometimes chat to him, ask questions and sometimes wait a long time for an answer, occasionally thinking he was ignoring me , hadn’t heard, or just couldn’t be bothered answering. In fact I would sometimes move on to another topic if no response from an enquiry, such as ‘have you seen your sister? Moving on to… ‘what shall we have for tea?’ when he hadn’t answered. A few minutes in to my list of options for tea… he would then reply,’…. she has a new job…’. I had shifted the topic to the tea option, so had no idea who he was referring to, until he would frustratingly explain that he was talking about his sister, my question from 5 minutes earlier!!
I would also at times need to finish off his sentences, because he was thinking, so I could say it quicker, and so save a few milliseconds, very important for quick processors needing to fit in as much as possible. I was often wrong about what he was going to say…
Of course after discussion, well row really, he told me I was a pain, because I would rush him when he wanted time to think, jumped to conclusions which weren’t true, and sometime say things without thinking, so causing problems… and I also try to do too much! All because I processed quickly, and he didn’t….
I realised neither of us is broken, or need fixing, we just work at different speeds. It is not at all a reflection on our intelligence. We’re not better, or worse – we’re different. So I learned some
patience, and he worked to speed up.
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